Wednesday, 20 November 2013


Chris Brown, Rihanna, Whorrified,
THE GOOD NEWS: Chris Brown went to rehab.
THE BAD NEWS: Chris Brown got kicked out of rehab.
THE LESSON: Chris Brown is way beyond rehab. What we need here is a lobotomy.  
Eva Rinaldi photo

In a shocking development that no one except maybe Rihanna or Chris Brown's mom could have seen coming, Chris Brown flew into a violent rage in rehab and was thrown out for bad behaviour. (Signs you might have a serious problem: You get kicked out of anger management rehab because you can't manage your anger.)  

TMZ reports that Chris's mom came to visit and urged him to get more intensive help, and the little shit showed his gratitude by throwing a rock at her car and breaking the window. Which, if you've been following the trajectory of Chris Brown's hissy fits, is actually progress and if this rehab centre knew what the hell they were doing they'd have given him a gold star and snuck Tati Neves in to service him instead of giving him the heave-ho.

Thankfully, the case was immediately brought before a judge who understands violent misogynistic assholes who think they're Jesus. He ordered the Brown-ness to check into an intensive, live-in facility for 90 days starting today. And I'm sure if there'd been a rock in that courtroom, the judge would have a goose egg the size of a stripper's fake breast on his forehead right now.