Thursday, 3 July 2014

EVERYBODY BEHAVE; MY MOM MIGHT BE READING THIS

Whorrified, celebrity gossip toronto
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU
that this sort of cheap thrill will no longer 
be available here on Whorrified. 
At least not until my mom "logs down."



Bad news, everybody. No, this isn't about the fact that I live in a city whose mayor has just remembered that he does crack (it's okay: he apologized, which is more than the diddling priests of my former religion ever did, so hey, he's practically a saint), because that's not even a story unless you think the opinion of every news outlet in the entire world should count. 

No, this is about the fact that my genteel, ladylike mom (I take after my father) has gone and bought a laptop. So I'm fully expecting her to check up on me here occasionally and of course, I'll have no way of knowing when she's actually doing it, so I'm just going to have to tone it down a little. *clicks on this post, frowns* Okay, a lot.
Sheesh. Between that and my new no-weekday-hooch policy, this blog is gong to become about as edgy as porridge. 

About the only thing working in my favour is that modern technology is so goddam obnoxious it takes me half an hour and three converters to turn on my own television (more if i actually want sound). So you can imagine how steep mom's learning curve is going to be. Heh-heh-heh.

Here's a little snippet of a conversation I had with her yesterday, during which I barely managed to conceal my delight that she's having trouble "logging up."
Me: "How's it going with the new laptop, mom?"
Mom: "Terrible! I hate it. I want to get rid of the damn thing, to tell you the truth." 
Me: "Tsk! Language, Mother. You know how sensitive I am ..."
Still, until she actually makes good on her constant threats to heave the laptop out the window, I'm going to assume she's still logging up occasionally. She may even be logged up right now, so everybody stop slouching and pay attention to today's post about the importance of establishing sustainable ecovillages in Malawi. 
 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ecovillages? How boring!
MY NOTE: Oh fuck off, you syphilitic buffoon. It's a ruse! 
MOM'S NOTE: Surprise! I am logged up and reading your blog right now. And may I just say that if you're going to insist on showing dirty pictures, at least make them of Ryan Gosling.
MY NOTE: I think this might just work out after all.