Sunday, 17 November 2013

HOW MY DAD SAVED ME FROM BECOMING TATI NEVES

Tati Neves, Justin Bieber, Whorrified,
TATI NEVES IN REPOSE, depicting everything my father was afraid I'd become if he 
let down his guard for one half-second.

I remember, as a teenager in Montreal, my Aunt Cecilia visiting us from Rio and bringing me a string bikini and an ankle bracelet. My dad, who was born and raised in Brazil, blew a gasket. 
"She's not wearing that! I don't want her to look like a Brazilian hooker!"

I didn't have a clue what a Brazilian hooker looked like or why he wouldn't want me to look like one. But now that I've seen these pictures of Tati Neves, the Brazilian jereba who got paid to spend the night with the Biebs and then tell reporters that he's 98 pounds of seething machismo her exact words, or "lines," as I believe they're known in the porn industry, were "Take it from me, he's well-endowed and very good in bed!" I totally get it. Get a load of these pictures of Tati, capitalizing on her brush with Bieberdom by posing for a selection of tramp shots that make Miley in mid-twerk look like Princess Grace of Monaco.
There, but for the grace of Dad ...  

EDITOR'S NOTE: Er, Justin? You do realize you're rich, right?