Monday, 4 November 2013


Justin Bieber, Brazil tour, Whorrified,
THE BIEBS' MINDERS DID A FINE JOB of disguising their wee charge in soiled cathouse linens. The press didn't get wind of this story at all! 
Screengrab from Page Six video

I can't blame you if you don't immediately recognize this as Justin Bieber sneaking out of a Brazilian brothel wrapped in one of their own sheets, because that's just not a sentence anyone in their right mind would ever conjure up. And here's another one: Justin Bieber has to pay for sex. Because not only did he "spend some time" at Rio's grimy-looking Centaurus cathouse, but two of the hookers came back to his hotel room with him afterwards. (I hope they like spit.)

I thought part of the deal with being famous was an unlimited supply of groupies. Those broads will sleep with anyone, I mean come on, even Carrot Top probably gets the occasional blind girl to come back to his Motel 6 room with him. (Blind girl: "Why do I smell vegetables?" Carrot Top: "Really? *douses himself with Axxe* There. Is that better?")
Anyway, without staring too long at the reason why Justin can't persuade girls to have sex with him for free, let's just enjoy this visual of his minders having to endure the kind of indignity that makes even our shittiest day seem like a vacation in the Caribbean. 

Justin: Hey, guys, guess what? You don't have to carry me on your shoulders today!
Minders: Sweet! We're getting a day off?
Justin: Not exactly. *snaps whorehouse sheet with a flourish* Let's make this quick. I'm paying these broads by the minute.