Tuesday, 12 November 2013


Lady Gaga, Glamour magazine,
LADY GAGA IS UPSET that her Glamour cover 
was photoshopped. (I knew they'd done 
something to it when my innards didn't recoil 
in stark horror the way they normally do 
when I look at photos of Lady Gaga.)
Lady Gaga has her hermaphrodite knickers in a twist over Glamour magazine’s failure to make her look hideous on their December cover, a feat I’d say they should be given a Congressional Medal of Honour for at the very least because holy shit, Gaga. You are many things, but easy to look at is not one of them. Nor is modest, reasonable, or even, to be perfectly frank, much of a musician. Unless we’re calling screeching freak shows music now, which apparently we are. 

Speaking at Glamour's 2013 Women of the Year Awards, the December cover girl accepted her award with one hand whilst simultaneously thrusting the other up Glamour's arse, a classy "thank you, now go fuck yourself" gesture pioneered by Marlon Brando, Vanessa Redgrave and others whose ego eventually consumed them.

"I felt my skin looked too perfect. I felt my hair looked too soft," Gaga told the audience in a sharp critique of the altered cover. "I do not look like this when I wake up in the morning."

Yes, well here's the thing, Gaga. Maybe some of us would pay good money not to see what you look like when you wake up in the morning. Maybe Glamour is in the business of actually trying to sell magazines. Maybe the word "glamour" should have been a clue. Me, I'm siding with Glamour's magicians photoshoppers. Stay strong, you guys. You're doing the lord's work.