Thursday, 21 November 2013


ANDY WARHOL SNUGGLES UP TO MIRANDA KERR in a weird Instagram image that ... wait. What? That's Miley Cyrus? Oh. My apologies, Andy Warhol.

Miley Cyrus has contracted eyebrow clap and all her brow hair fell out. At least that's how I'm reading this. I really don't see any other explanation other than maybe she set her forehead on fire while lighting a massive spliff or she donated them to Justin Bieber's upper lip. "A man's hooker should never have more of a moustache than he does," were probably her exact words. Of course, this sort of common sense is wasted on Miley's fan base, which is having a collective Twitter aneurism over this shocking development. "I MIGHT DIE @MileyCyrus WHERE DID YOUR EYEBROWS GO BEFORE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK" (This is the kind of deep thinking you're missing if you're not on Twitter yet. And to those people specifically may I just say: You  made the right decision. Never change.) So obviously someone has to be the one to restore order and say "Oh, calm the fuck down, people. She bleached her eyebrows on a whim because that's the kind of twaddle Miley Cyrus's life is made of." She can't help herself. If you'd been raised by hillbillies, suckled on moonshine and routinely dropped on your little mullet head, you'd have turned out the same way. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Of course Gaga did the same thing weeks ago and nobody gave a shat.
MY NOTE: That's because in this cruel celebrity world, if you don't twerk, you don't exist. The rules are very clear.