Friday, 1 November 2013

ROB FORD HAD A BAD DAY. THIS CALLS FOR DOUGHNUTS


DOUGHNUT? WHAT DOUGHNUT? THERE IS NO DOUGHNUT. 
I can't comment on something that doesn't exist.
 

I'm terribly sorry, possums. It's not that I don't love you. It's just that, for a variety of reasons, most of them being the galloping disaster that is Mayor Rob Ford, I barely had time to shat out three sentences for you today. Between the nonstop news updates that were more addictive than crack and hiding behind my couch with the lights out because I'd eaten all the chocolate I was supposed to give out to trick-or-treaters, I simply didn't have time to verbally molest anyone. (Except Kim Kardashian, above right. I can always find time for that.) Also, I'm not feeling well, no doubt thanks to the chocolate. I just can't two-fist that stuff the way I used to. Although it could also be the doughnuts. I didn't mention the doughnuts? There were free doughnuts at work today. It's a wonder I can fit through my own front door. One of these days I'm not going to be able to "get off my property." Which reminds me: have you seen this video? You haven't lived until you've seen this video.

Here's our boy Rob, courting a stroke while 
dealing with reporters in an appropriate fashion. 
And also hauling around what appears to be 
a week's worth of laundry. 
Screengrab from video, above
EDITOR'S NOTE: Those of you who don't live in Toronto won't understand what's going on here, but just know that we pity you. Because unless your mayor is a twerking, cross-dressing hermaphrodite with a molly habit and three eyes, he cannot possibly be as entertaining as our mayor.