Friday, 8 November 2013

TATI NEVES ISN'T A WHORE, SHE JUST GETS PAID FOR SEX

Tati Neves, Justin Bieber,
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO READ SMUT 
or who are Justin Bieber, this is what Tati Neves 
looks like with her clothes on.
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To the surprise of absolutely no one except Justin Bieber's mom, who for some reason that I can't quite put my finger on reminds me of Rob Ford's mom, it turns out that the Brazilian woman who filmed the Biebs sleeping and then posted it to YouTube is, in fact, a hooker. (Called it! *blows air kiss at mirror*

Not that you'd ever hear that from her. In fact, Tati Neves' official story yesterday was that she's not a whore, she's a bodybuilder, followed by the only slightly less ridiculous claim that she's not a whore, she's a model. 

Except that the little garota failed to factor in the terrifying investigative skills of journalists who help expose crack-smoking mayors for a living. Within minutes of Tati's completely denuded lie, Gawker had not only found and posted photos of her in the extreme nude and may I just say they are not only NSFW but also that you have never seen a brazilian until you've seen a Brazilian's brazilian; my God, she's almost as hairless as Justin Bieber but also advertisements for her "services" in a Brazilian smut mag. Which, call me a bitch, is pretty much the textbook definition of a whore.

JUSTIN BIEBER'S MOM'S NOTE: That doesn't mean my sweet boy had sex with her!
MY NOTE: Of course not, dear. She probably snuck in with the prayer grou ... OMIGOD DON'T CLICK ON THAT LINK!