Monday, 18 November 2013


Rob Ford, CNN, BIll Weir, Whorrified,
ROB FORD, CALMLY FIELDING QUESTIONS from CNN'S Bill Weir Monday night. (I can't remember if this is the part where he called himself 'the best father around' or where he swore in front of the preschoolers in the room.)
Kidding. There is no other news. It's all Rob Ford, all day, because not even the Biebs sleeping with Brazilian hookers is better than this. Nor is this just a Toronto thing anymore, because Mayor Ford, who won't even acknowledge local reporters unless they're disguised as a ham sandwich, is talking to every U.S. network that asks. 
And they're all asking, because the world suddenly can't get enough of our chief magistrate. He's like Alec Baldwin, only even angrier, more foul-mouthed and more unpredictable. (Mind you, Alec Baldwin has never actually confessed to doing crack. Although, frankly, that would explain a lot.)

If I were a criminal or a senator today would be the day I would have chosen to pull my most egregious offence, because nobody was paying attention to ANYTHING other than the chaos that City Hall has become. It was impossible to look away from the live, all-day cage fight Rob Ford bulldozing elderly women as he rushed to his brother Doug's "aid," Rob Ford pantomiming drunk driving, Rob Ford comparing council's desperate attempts to restore order to an attack on Kuwait but when Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan both devoted their shows to the pandemonium here in the city of brotherly thugs, it began to feel like Toronto was being trotted out with its pants down, in a drunken stupor, for the world to laugh at. Not with, mind you. At.

They say there's no such thing as bad publicity. If that's true, then Toronto is bobbing in a veritable sea of good publicity, and if it gets any better I'm going to have to move to Saskatchewan just to get away from the bobbing goodness of it all. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Don't they have crack in Saskatchewan?
MY NOTE: I don't know. You'd have to ask Rob Ford that question. Correctly.