Thursday, 12 December 2013


Aisha Harris, Megyn Kelly, Fox news, Santa white, Whorrified,
knows for a fact that Santa is white 
because Sarah Palin told her so.
Matt Gagnon/Wikipedia
Christmas may be mere days away, but don't think for one second that that's going to soften the razor-edge of brilliance that is the American conservative movement. Because even as we speak they are locked in a furious battle for the virginity, indeed the very eugenic splendour, of Santa Claus. Who is white, by the way. "He just is." So saith the conservative lord. (See video proof, below.)

So what's happening, in case you haven't heard, is that black people are apparently as freaked out by the thought of some strange white dude breaking into their house at night as white people are by Caribana. In other words, they're wondering why Santa has to be white.

Thank God there are brilliant minds out there to quell the fire of reasonable thought ... and by brilliant minds I mean Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly, who is nothing if not a blue-eyed blonde brilliant ... and put this incendiary notion to an immediate no-nonsense death. Kelly tackled the weighty subject in a panel debate on Fox News in which she used these exact words: “By the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white." Followed by the finishing karate chop: "and Jesus was a white man too." 

You see what I'm saying? You can't argue with that kind of intelligence. I mean, you can try, but you will only wind up banging your head off the right-wing anvil that is Fox News. Why isn't Megyn Kelly president, is what I'm wondering? And also, why wasn't I on this panel? As the personal blogger of Jesus, I could have put this mess to bed in exactly three seconds.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Well the suspense is killing me. Is Jesus white?
MY NOTE: Yes. And so is her girlfriend.