Friday, 27 December 2013

HOLIDAY SELFIES ROUSE ME FROM MY DAINTY STUPOR

DISCLAIMER: Although I promised my moron Editor that Whorrified would shut down for a full week over the holidays, I failed to factor in the extreme likelihood that celebrities would continue to act like arse during that week and require catching up with. So I've had to rouse him from his festive drunken stupor and make him check this quick update for typos, since I am writing it in a drunken stupor of my own. We're all about the drunken stupors here in Canada, folks. You have no idea.
EDITOR'S NOTE:*groans, retches, rolls back over into snowbank*

The delightful Page Six ran a celebrity "holiday selfies" gallery that I made the fatal error of viewing and now I've had to purge them from my system with these bilious observations. Forthwith, some of my favourites:

KELLY OSBOURNE (whom I suddenly realize looks exactly like a young Dame Edna). If that thing popped out of my stocking I'd assume it was a mutant whack-a-mole and club it senseless.
rihanna, selfie, whorrified,
RIHANNA looking suspiciously like she just smoked an entire Christmas tree. 

dwayne johnson, the rock, hulk hogan, whorrified,
DWAYNE 'The Rock' JOHNSON freaking his kids out by wearing his veins on the outside.

snooop lion, whorrified,
SNOOP LION at the exact moment he saw  Rihanna's selfie and realized he's an amateur.

cara delevingne, victoria's secret models, whorrified,
CARA DELEVINGNE making me wonder three things: 1) Where's the rest of that turkey? 2) So supermodels' brains really are made of stuffing? 3) Why isn't this crazy broad my best friend? 

Hulk Hogan,Whorrified,
KENDALL, KIM AND KANYE failing to notice that their initials form the unfortunate acronym "KKK."
 

A 'ROID-ADDLED HULK HOGAN overreacting to the fact that he accidentally got Heather Mills' present and she got his. (Heather: "What the fuck am I supposed to do with an inflatable doll that looks like Hulk Hogan's best friend's wife? I SPECIFICALLY SAID CASH GIFTS ONLY!!!")