|GETTING INTO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRITS|
Which explains the earrings. Because Crown Royal
makes EVERYTHING seem like a great idea.
So what happened on this boring weekend was, I put up my Christmas tree. And I know some of you are saying "Unless you did it in the nude, we don't give a rat's ass," but bear with me. It gets better-ish.
Because I wasn't even going to bother putting a tree up at all this year — I'm never home, we celebrate at Mom's house, Pig-Face's ridiculous tail does not need any more targets, do any of these excuses pass your rigourous "We judge thee" standards? — but then today, while driving to the liquor store, I turned on the radio and heard Christmas carols. WHAT THE FECK! I huffed, isn't it a bit early for this crap?
|I TOOK CARE WITH THE DECORATIONS|
because one year I broke one of my favourites
and the house reeked of whiskey for a month.
I was sure this was going to make me depressed and even more of a bitch than usual, but instead it appears to be having the opposite effect. It's like a huge ersatz burden has been lifted off my chest. It's like the spiritual glow of the season has been restored and refocused where it belongs: on my butt. Haha. You can see why my kids don't want to celebrate Christmas at my house.
So anyway, I came home from the liquor store and decided, "Screw it, I'm putting the damn tree up and no one can stop me ... *long pause. "Anyone? Pig-Face? Aren't you going to try to stop me? Shit" * ... and two hours, two tumblers and a lot of cursing later, voila: Christmas tree. I feel positively aglow with good cheer! Now all that's left to do is wait for Pig-Face to knock it over with one wag of her curly tail so I can fly into a seething rage and toss the whole thing out the front door, broken bulbs and all, and wait for New Year's Eve. Now there's a holiday! *Clink*
EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh you think she's joking? Well Pig-Face and I are both cowering in the basement right now and we plan to stay here until January 1. One more drink and she won't even know we're missing ...