Sunday, 8 December 2013

SAINT KHLOE TWEETS SERMON FROM THE MOUNT

khloe kardashian, lamar odom, marie sutherland, whorrified,
I SEE HER HOLINESS THE DALAI KHLOE has learned how to work the "godly aura" app in Photoshop.

If I hadn't just been appointed the personal blogger to Jesus *genuflects* I swear I would seriously consider placing that celestial mantle on Khloe Kardashian, patron saint of the absurdly privileged and the crack addicted. Because her majesty has really stepped up her tweeting activities lately, elevating them from mere piffle to a level one could reasonably call "divine intercession." And while you might think this is merely the self-indulgent upchuck of a mind that hasn't got enough to do since her husband made a break for it, that's because you're just a stupid mortal. This here is saint talk. (You'll get it when your soul is ready.) Now if you would, please kneel and prepare to receive the word of the lord, piped directly to us via the tweeting apparatus of St. Khloe:

"Dear Human: You've got it all wrong. You didn't come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you'll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of ... messing up. Often. You didn't come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering."

EDITOR'S NOTE: And I'm going to just go ahead and add "in the name of the Lord" here, because I think that's about the only thing that's missing, don't you?
KHLOE'S NOTE: *chuckles softly, adjusts saintly robes to hide Yeti cleavage* Thank you, my son. But this message was actually meant for Lamar, so if you see him could you pass it on for me? Thanks hun. Love you! Mean it!