Tuesday, 22 December 2015

WE WORK LOVINGLY TOGETHER TO BRING YOU STUFF

miley cyrus, celebrity christmas card, whorrified, marie sutherland,
THE MOST FASCINATING HILLBILLY OF 2013 
wishes you a Merry Christmas. And you should be thankful, because this is the most clothing she's worn all year.
Twitter user Miley Cyrus

With just days to go before Whorrified shuts down for a much-needed rehab holiday, we find the vicious queen and her loyal editor enjoying a homely moment of professional companionship. Let's listen in for a moment, shall we?

Editor: Now that the Kardashians are boring, I think we need more Miley Cyrus pictures on this blog. 
Me: *peering into empty tumbler* Why'sh thisssh fecking glasshh so empty?
Editor: Because you've been swilling hooch nonstop since 8 a.m. Honestly, that last bottle was hidden and wrapped in Christmas paper. You'd think that would be a clue!
Me: Chrisshmasssh? I'll drink to that! *tries to smash tumbler on editor's forehead, editor nimbly sidesteps* 
Editor: God, she's drunk as a lemur. Oh well, I'll find a Miley picture myself. Oh! Here's her Christmas card. How convenient.
Me: *folds eyelids up, sticks tongue out* Ugggh.What's wrong with her nipples?
Editor: It's Christmas. She's being tasteful and covering them up.
Me: Then I want to be tasteful and cover mine up too! Editor, fetch me two heart-shaped bottles of Crown Royal! And a camera!
Editor: *rolls eyes* Sure, honey. Right away. (If I just sit here and don't make a sound for ten minutes she'll either forget or pass out. It's how all successful companies are run.)