Friday, 20 December 2013

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME I HAD TO BE NAUGHTY OR NICE

Oh, you're still here? How adorable. I figured you'd be out Christmas shopping like the normal people, although I should have known that anyone who reads this blog with any regularity is abnormal in at least seven certifiable ways (and is probably only here for the celebrity boobs). Not that I disapprove, in fact quite the contrary: if it weren't for abnormal readers I wouldn't have any readers at all.

Anyway, no boobs today folks (check back on New Year's Eve, much better odds) but I did want to share this adorable Santa's little hooker helper getup with you. Because it isn't often that I take a selfie that A) doesn't make me shriek "I need surgery!" and B) really captures my essence despite the fact that I am fully clothed. 
This one scored on both fronts.

Some background: I was asked to play Mrs. Claus at a public event and this is what I showed up in. 
The organizers were appalled. 
"But Mrs. Claus has white hair and granny glasses!" they protested. 
"Not in the magazines I read," I replied. "Just be glad I didn't go for the 'Naughty Elf' outfit."
"It looks like you did!"
"No, you're still breathing and the police haven't arrived."
"Actually I am feeling a little light-headed ..."
"You are? Yay! The old girl's still got it!" 

In the end, everyone got over it because someone pointed out that, in an era of incessant butt-tweeting and Miley Cyrus's squirrel pelt, this outfit is practically a burqa. The event went off just fine and I liked the outfit so much I bought the stockings and the gloves. That's all one really wears on Christmas Eve anyway.
A-a-a-and marvelous, one of the organizers just had a stroke. *plants stiletto heel squarely on his heaving chest* Oh knock it off, buddy. Does EVERYTHING have to be about you?