Wednesday, 22 January 2014

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER? IS THAT YOU? NO WAY!

arnold schwarzenegger, gold's gym, arnold undercover, whorrified,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'AM I AHNOLD SVARZENEGGAH?' 
Ah you a crazee lady or somesing? I am just a guy. Okay? A GUY!" 
YouTube

Now that Ahnold is no longer a governator and has therefore lost a valuable portal to the vaginas of women who are not Maria Shriver, he has resorted to increasingly bizarre courtship rituals. Such as this one, which I have to say gave me the best cardiovascular laughing fit I've had in awhile. (Stay with me. This will all make perfect sense once you see the video, below. You're goddam right it's gone viral.)

Because what Ahnold did is, he went incognito at a Gold's Gym to prank unsuspecting clients during their workout. Except how the hell do you incognito Ahnold? That Cro-Magnon face. That Neanderthal accent. You'd have to be a deaf, blind, mentally retarded cretin not to immediately recognize him. 

Oh but wait, this is Ahnold the method actor we're talking about. The man has access to the best makeup artists in Hollywood (okay, maybe not the best, he blew that one with that ill-advised feel he tried to slip in while she was leaning in to pluck his eyebrows), so we've got spackle, we've got fake moustaches, we've got a wig that appears to have been purchased from a Mexican Dollar Store. So naturally he pranks THE HELL out of unsuspecting victims until they actually lay eyes on him and realize within about three seconds that that ain't no wetback janitorial staffer harassing the patrons, it's goddam Ahnold Schwarzenegger! 
Honest to God. Best idiot video ever. You're getting that long-overdue Oscar with this one for sure, Ahnie!

EDITOR'S NOTE: I feel obliged to point out that Arnold did this video for his After-School All-Stars charity, which provides support for underprivileged kids.
MY NOTE: Ah! So it was for the children, then. Even fucking creepier.