Sunday, 12 January 2014

CAN'T TALK NOW; BUSY COUNTING CONTRACTIONS

My apologies to anyone checking in here today looking for fresh wit and ribaldry. There isn't any, because my blessed grandchild-to-be has decided that today is the day — more than one week ahead of its scheduled arrival thereby costing me money even before it is born by ruining my "due date" wager

We are all at this very moment at the Childbirth Centre preparing to deliver unto the world yet another in a long line of beauties that shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. I ought to be getting some sort of matriarch's commission from God or something. 
*memo to self: 'Damn good idea; have moron editor look into that'* 

Anyway folks, I'll ... oh dear God, we're having another contraction. BARTENDER!!! Oh, sorry, ma'am; I meant "nurse." Force of habit.

EDITOR'S NOTE: By the time you read this, the baby will have been born and the world's most inappropriate "Grandma" will be at home and celebrating. We'll tell you all about it when she sobers up enough to order me to ghostwrite it. I'm thinkin' Wednesday.