Thursday, 30 January 2014

GWYNETH FINDS FRESH-FACED NEW WAY TO BE ANNOYING


celebrities without makeup, gwyneth paltrow, organic makeup, whorrified,
GWYNETH'S MINIMALIST NEW LOOK 
And I must admit, it does kind of suit 
the sort of woman who once said "I'd rather 
smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."
(Rob Ford: "Why do you feel you have to choose?")
As her organic hippie luge ride to hatefulness picks up speed, Gwyneth has acquired yet another affectation: not wearing makeup. And not brushing her hair. 

And probably, although I’m extrapolating here, not showering or shaving her armpits either because why would she bother with those unnatural acts when she’s already growing her bush into an Afro and braying about it in interviews so that the whole world can be repulsed by what should be her husband’s punishment alone? 

Get a load of this “new look” the holistic princess is shoving down our throats lately. No eyeshadow, no eyeliner, no foundation, no lipstick, no brushing, no flatironing, nothing

Depressed housewives in Camden, New Jersey, take the garbage out looking better than this. Jesus. Put some goddam vegan spackle on, woman. I’m pretty sure the planet will survive.