Tuesday, 28 January 2014


Justin Bieber, Whorrified, deported petition,
to Instagram after making bail on Friday with the caption "Thank u lord." 
(Lord: "Leave me out of this, you little shit.")  

For the ones and twos of you who are wondering how Justin Bieber's tender little white butt is recovering from its run-in with D-block, until yesterday the answer to that was "nicely." He had rediscovered his personal relationship with Jesus, he was Instagramming prayerful homilies, he was giving his money away to the poor (if you can call strippers poor). Yes, praise the Lord *genuflects* things were looking good. 
And then he got hit with "the eviction."

Somebody who is probably Selena Gomez started a petition on the White House's website asking the U.S. government to deport him and revoke his green card. Some 100,000 people have already signed it, noting:
'We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture. We would like to see the dangerous, reckless, destructive and drug abusing Justin Bieber deported and his green card revoked. He is not only threatening the safety of our people but he is also a terrible influence on our nation's youth. We the people would like to remove Justin Bieber from our society.'

And even if it weren't for the absurdity of claiming one is being "wrongly represented" in a world of pop culture that already includes R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian and Miley Cyrus, as the personal blogger of Jesus I would have to object to this movement on humanitarian grounds. One little mistake he makes, and you're ready to toss him? Let he who is without whorebanging, drag-racing, sizzurp-guzzling sin cast the first stone, I always say.

EDITOR'S NOTE: *narrows eyes suspiciously* You just don't want him back here in Canada, do you?
MY NOTE: Did I mention he's a Christian? They'd be crazy to deport him. He could be a Fox News anchor some day.