Thursday, 16 January 2014

KATE GOSSELIN'S KIDS ARE FINE, GODAMMIT. 'SAY IT!'

Kate Gosselin, Cara and Mady Gosselin, Today show, whorrified,
KATE GOSSELIN AND HER TWINS, CARA AND MADY, miming an interview on the Today show.

Kate Gosselin, the original Octomom, wants the world to know that suckling her children on a steady diet of television lenses and zero privacy did not do them any harm and in fact did them a world of good. They loved it. They lived for it. It made them better people. 

And what better way to prove that than to trot them out in front of the cameras just one more time ("Don't make that face, young lady, those 'stupid cameras' will pay for your boob job some day!") and ordering them to tell everybody that they're fine. 

Except that that little plan backfired because the eldest girls, now at that delightful age when everything sucks and it's all mom's fault (you may know it as 13), clammed up the instant the Today show cameras started rolling and answered every question with eyeball rolls, dagger-shooting sneers and that special brand of pulsating mother-loathing only thirteen-year-old girls can muster.

In the end, Kate had no choice but to dive in and put words in their scowling mouths for them because the only thing worse than pimping your kids out on live television is dead air. 
Say what you will about Kris Jenner, this would never have happened to her and her tribe of money-makers. Those kids knew which side their bread was buttered on and it was sex tapes. (The butter was just to make it easier for everybody.)

Watch the excrutiating interview with Kate and her mutes, below. 

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