Monday, 6 January 2014

THIS IS PRETTY MUCH CHARLIZE THERON'S OBITUARY

Charlize Theron, Sean Penn, Madonna, Whorrified,
"SEAN PENN? UH, NOT THAT I CAN RECALL. 
 Although he may have driven my 'Lexus' into my 'garage,'
if you know what I mean."
Wikipedia

I love Charlize Theron. I think she's classy and talented and beautiful. I'm going to miss her terribly when she's gone, which will be any day now because Madonna is going to club her to death with her sinewy thighs when she hears that Charlize and Sean Penn are a thing. Oh, you hadn't heard? Yeah. They're a thing.

Of course, they're both being very coy about it because death by sinewy thighs is neither pleasant to endure nor to witness, but you can't fool the paparazzi. They can smell pheromones from a mile away (I'm told they smell like money), so they've been camping out in front of both parties' mansions and are being rewarded with nothing short of tabloid gold. 

Via Page Six: The stars have been spotted together in Hawaii, at Starbucks and leaving Theron’s "ritzy Hollywood Hills" home and later returning, with Penn spending the night. The duo "emerged together Friday" in Theron's black Lexus and headed to Penn’s Malibu home, where they spent the remainder of the day.

Page Six notes that "both declined to comment on the nature of their seemingly cosy relationship." But it's sex. And I hope they're getting as much of it as they possibly can because it's only a matter of time before one of them gets Hard Candied. Seriously. Have you seen that woman's thighs? They're killing machines.