Thursday, 23 January 2014


THE BIEBS STROKES THE PLACE HE WISHES FACIAL HAIR WOULD GROW while he contemplates the many ways he could get himself arrested. Last night, he managed to make one of those dreams come true. And it wasn't the facial hair ... 

The producers of Fast and Furious 7 would rather clean a wrecking ball with their tongue than allow Justin Bieber to play any role whatsoever ... especially "water boy" ... in their upcoming movie, so the Biebs apparently decided to try to sway them with an unscheduled audition.

He had his minders cordon off a palm-lined residential street with SUVs and turned it into his own personal playground, roaring around in a bright-yellow Lamborghini. At 4 a.m. Because the last time one of the Fast and Furious cast members went street racing on his own time, it ended really well.

But God works in mysterious ways and so Bieber somehow managed to escape relatively unscathed, enduring nothing more tragic than an arrest and a damn good frisking (please tell me they did a cavity search) by the Miami Police. TMZ reports he was busted for drag racing, resisting arrest and DUI and if he didn't spontaneously burst into Jamaican patois and plead drunken stupour, that boy is no longer a Canadian. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Big-ups to my boy. Mad street cred, yo!
MY NOTE: Stop that right now.

CLICK HERE for the Biebs' gleeful mugshot and profanity-laced arrest transcript, via CNN.