Wednesday, 12 February 2014

AND NOW, KRIS JENNER WILL POLE DANCE FOR YOU

Kris Jenner, Kim Kardashian, pole dancing, whorrified,
'BE CAREFUL, GRANDMA! YOU'RE 
SUPPOSED TO BABYSIT US TOMORROW!' 
Kris Jenner will be 60 in less than two years, 
unless she kills herself by falling off 
a stripper pole headfirst before then.
Instagram


You might think you're looking at a casting call for one of Justin Bieber's videos. But this little filly is actually Kris Jenner, wearing a skintight body suit and riding a stripper pole upside down. Of course. 
  
"But why?" you ask, as if there has to be a reason for Kris Jenner to do age-inappropriate, batshit crazy things. Kris and her daughter, Kim, are taking pole-dancing lessons together because apparently that's how the Kardashians get their figure back after shatting out a baby, plus when your best friend (this week, anyway) is a stripper you tend to find this sort of thing more germane than aqua-fit classes.

Listen, Kris, I get that you're ecstatic your vagina doesn't have to share a bed with Bruce Jenner's vagina anymore, but good goddam lord, woman! You're a 58-year-old grandmother! Some things just aren't meant to happen and this horrifying image meeting up with my retinas is one of them. Although I suppose I should just be grateful this wasn't a video.