|'HI, I'M BRADLEY COOPER, |
AND I'M NOT WEARING UNDERPANTS'
What I imagine Brad might say
at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting,
shortly before being stampeded to death
by women demanding proof.
I know this because Page Six reports that Cooper was invited to a state dinner at the White House and had to go commando because he put on 15 pounds and couldn't fit into his tightie-whities. (News flash: Boxers. It's what dudes wear now — unless they never want to get laid again.)
"It was a nightmare," he said. "They were crazy-town tight."
In an interesting scientific aside, while Cooper's new diet has apparently so thoroughly clogged his brain with lard that he is no longer capable of logical thought processes ... "These underpants are too small. Hey! I'll get a bigger pair!" ... it has not affected his ability to take witty fat jabs at Toronto's buttery magistrate, Rob Ford, and to create disturbing new adjectives in the process. (How big were her boobs? "Dude, they were CRAZY-TOWN big!") I'm pretty sure this makes him an idiot savant.