Sunday, 2 February 2014

JENNIFER ANISTON IS PREGNANT! (HAHA. SUCKERS)

Jennifer Aniston, pregnant, Justin Theroux, Whorrified,
UNFORTUNATELY FOR JENNIFER ANISTON, saying something a million times doesn't make it come true. But having money does, so Jen has come up with a cunning plan ...

And now for an update on the state of Jennifer Aniston's uterus. It won't be much of an update, in fact it'll be the exact same update, verbatim, as the last dozen times I updated the state of Jennifer Aniston's uterus, and it's this: empty. Same as it ever was, same as it always will be, may God smite me with eyeball cooties if I'm wrong. (I'm not worried. What are the odds that'd happen twice?) However, there is a mildly interesting development that I'm going to use an excuse for shamelessly dredging this subject up yet again.

Apparently the pregnancy rumours are starting again, only it might actually happen this time because Jen has come up with a plan and it's a surprisingly un-Hollywood one. (By which I mean it does not involve buying a black child from an impoverished nation.) Because this time, Jen is reportedly hiring a surrogate to get knocked up for her. 
I just hope she remembers not to touch her poor hired baby container, ever, or she'll turn that womb to stone as well. Honestly. Even Octomom is afraid to get too close to her at parties. "Did she just double dip that hummus? You're sure? I can't risk the loss of income ..." 

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