Wednesday, 19 February 2014


kate upton, sports illlustrated, swimsuit issue, whorrified, zero gravity,
SOME CLOWN MADE THE CAREER-ENDING DECISION to hide this photo spread of Kate Upton in a zero gravity chamber inside Sports Illustrated rather than splash it all over the cover. I'm not a guy and even I know those girls are cover material.
Sports Illustrated

You think you can upstage Kate Upton by merely baring your spectacular arse and posing with two other spectacular bare-arsed broads on the cover of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition? Fools! You are no match for Kate Upton's bosoms! Or her brain!

Because although Kate was inexplicably relegated to mere inside spread status, considered lesser billing by some in the industry who have never seen her bosoms in action, she deftly grabbed the spotlight and redirected it squarely on herself. Thereby proving, once again, that giant glands and a tiny intellect are no barrier to success. Or to anything, really.

This "mere inside spread" is a marvel of Newtonian amazeballsiness that features Kate obligingly bouncing around a zero gravity chamber in her knickers. (What effect does zero gravity have on hooters, you ask? Well let's just say it certainly doesn't make them look any smaller.) And now nobody is talking about the three boring bums on the cover and everybody is talking about hooters that defy the parameters of earthly logic. You can't compete with that, people. I wouldn't even recommend that you try. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Although if you do, I would like you to know that I'd be happy to film it for you, gratis. I'm a firm believer in giving back to the community.