Sunday, 9 February 2014

LET'S ALL PRETEND SHIA LABEOUF IS PERFECTLY FINE

Shia Labeouf, paper bag, not famous anymore, nymphomaniac, whorrified,
THERE ARE ONLY A HANDFUL OF ACTORS WHO ARE SO FRICKIN' AWESOME 
they could show up at a movie premiere wearing a paper bag over their head and not look goddam insane. Alas, Shia LaBeouf is not one of them.

Shia LaBeouf is adjusting well to mega-stardom, I see. Shia, whose opinion of himself vastly outshines the merely tepid talent he actually possesses, has been making headlines lately for plagiarism, weird staring contests and other assorted things that just reek of superstardom. (I can't tell you how many times Meryl Streep or Cate Blanchett pulled that sort of shit.)

But it gets better, because now Shia has shown up for a "Nymphomaniac" press conference in Germany missing a bottom tooth and speaking in tongues (actual quote, when asked a question by a reporter: "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much") before storming out in the sort of huff that can only be explained by bottled-up rage at having been named "Shia." 

Nymphomaniac, shia labeouf, whorrified, TMZ reports that the perfectly adjusted method actor showed up on the red carpet less than an hour later with a paper bag over his head, imprinted with the words "I am not famous anymore." Right? If Philip Seymour Hoffman had had this sort of poise he might still be alive today. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: "I am not famous anymore?" I must have missed the part where he was famous in the first place.
MY NOTE: Yeah I think we all missed that part.