Thursday, 6 February 2014

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HER GOSSIP IS GOOD FOR YOU

celebrity gossip, granddaughter, moron Editor, toronto blogger, whorrified,
UH-OH. I'VE SEEN THIS LOOK BEFORE 
Although, to their credit, at least my three daughters waited until puberty for the seething disdain to kick in.

All right, who told her? We can do this the easy way or the hard way, the hard way being indescribably violent, so you might as well 'fess up right now moron editor. Because this is my ineffably innocent, essence-of-adorableness granddaughter at the exact moment someone told her the truth about what her Glama does for a living. The child is three weeks old. THREE WEEKS OLD, people! Do you really think her system is ready to process that sort of information? Clearly it is not. Which is why I told her I work at a Benedictine nunnery and that I personally lead the three daily Masses of Our Lady. (It's not lying if the person never actually asked you. Or if they didn't ask the question correctly.)

NEWBORN GRANDDAUGHTER'S NOTE: Celebrity cleavage, Glama? Twerking? TANNING MOM? I really must insist that you refrain from ever touching me again.
GLAMA'S NOTE: No! Please! Hey, look at this nice post I wrote! It's about bunnies! Okay maybe not bunnies, but puppies that look like pigs! Everybody loves puppies. And I made cookies today! Chocolate chip! When you get teeth you're gonna love those. They're ... *wipes projectile infant vomit out of eyes* Wow. You're going to make a fantastic teenager.

Reading this on mobile? Scroll down to Home and click on View web version. Oh just humour me.