|SUPERMODEL STEPHANIE SEYMOUR, ENJOYING QUALITY TIME WITH HER SONS|
Sebastian Faena/Harper's Bazaar
You think you're a good mom? Well I just took an informal poll of sons everywhere and they have unanimously agreed that unless you, too, pose in lingerie with your male children and occasionally kiss them on the lips while allowing them to fondle your breast in the textbook "good parenting" fashion demonstrated by one Stephanie Seymour, then you are a pathetic, second-rate excuse for a maternal figure. Seriously. You're probably wearing track pants right now. THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN, woman!
To see mothering done right, please observe hot-as-nonsense Stephanie, age 45, posing for Harper's Bazaar with her two boys (Peter, 20, and Harry, 17), one of whom has since confessed to being rabidly gay
EDITOR'S NOTE: Looking back, I realize that my mother, God rest her soul, cooked Sunday dinner, ironed my underwear, made my bed, taught me how to tie my shoes and how to pray, packed a healthy, nutritionally balanced lunch for me every day until the day I turned 35, but never once kissed me on the lips while wearing a bikini. I can never forgive her.
MY NOTE: I didn't realize your mom was dead.
EDITOR'S NOTE: She's not. But she might as well be.