|NOTICE ANYTHING STUNNINGLY DIFFERENT ABOUT ME? |
Of course you don't, you ungrateful bastards.
This, in a nutshell, is what my week has been like. I mean, I paid damn good money to get this amazeballs, pewter-glazed, pointy-nails manicure (it's called a trend) and did any of you notice? Did any of you comment? Did any of you stop dead in your tracks and gasp "My God, woman! Your nails! They're spectacular!" No you did not.
Not one single comment did I get. Honestly, you people. It's like being married all over again; I could wrap my naked body in Saran Wrap and slink around on all fours in front of you and you'd look up from your fucking newspaper and mumble, "Hey babe, couldja grab me a beer?"
I don't even know why I bother. I might as well just walk around looking like this, the way the housewives do. In fact I might just start doing that. That would teach you. EDITOR! I need a martini! A big one. *grabs glass, sinks entire face into it* Aaaaah. That's better.
EDITOR'S NOTE: My God, woman! Your nails! They're spectacular!
MY NOTE: Oh go fuck yourself.