Sunday, 2 March 2014


Ellen Degeneres, Twitter, Lupita Nyongo, Jared Leto, selfie, Whorrified,
You no longer have any reason to take or more importantly, to post — your inane selfies. The art form has reached its zenith. 

And the Oscar for Best Selfie goes to ... Ellen DeGeneres, for not only capturing every A-lister within a 5-metre radius but also for breaking Twitter. Not permanently, alas (better luck next time), but for a good 10 minutes during prime tweeting time, thereby causing the world to lose its goddam mind. * "I'm hitting the 'post' button and ... WTF? How is anyone going to know what I thought of Bette Midler's song if I can't fucking TWEET it?" * 

The epic selfie, which featured Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, Lupita Nyong'o and Angelina Jolie, was retweeted more than one million times.

In other Oscars news, Ellen was amazing, Jared Leto made me cry with his acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor (called it!), Pink blew me away with her rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and hardly looked like a boy at all, Bette Midler did a cringe-worthy version of a song so craptastic even she can't stand it anymore and pretty much everything I predicted would win won. It's still going on as of this writing, which means there's still a chance I could lose my shirt, but if that happens, rest assured my moron editor will tweet a picture of it. Unless Ellen goes and breaks Twitter again. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: All I really care about ... aside from the very good chance that you're going to be topless in about half an hour ... is whether or not Rob Ford showed up.
MY NOTE: Not. Turns out there's no such thing as a category for Best Disappearing Video after all. 

Update: And the winners are ... 

Best Picture
Best Actor 
Best Actress
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Best Actress in a Supporting Role