|HIS ASSHOLINESS THE DALAI BIEBER pretends to sleep during his deposition last week in one of countless classic moments from the leaked video. |
The supposedly private video of Justin Bieber giving a sworn deposition has magically showed up on YouTube, and it's hilarious. And because there's a good chance that the same people who continue to mulishly support Rob Ford in the face of galeforce reasons not to are also still loyal to the Biebs, I feel morally obligated to share it with you. Feel free to nominate me for a Nobel Prize for the betterment of mankind through gossip.
For those of you who haven't been observing the formal process of the Biebs' recognition as a complete ass — Stage one: Servant of God, The Biebs ascends the Great Wall of China; Stage Two: Venerable in Virtue, The Biebs develops an affinity for banging hookers Stage Three: The Beatification, "Yo, I got arrested, homies!" — this deposition came about after one of the Biebs' bodyguards allegedly assaulted a photographer last week.
And although taking a deposition is serious business for ordinary mortals, the Biebs clearly feels it is not just beneath him but also worthy of being shat upon by his assholiness, the Dalai Bieber. He pouts, he slouches, he scowls, he pretends to fall asleep. He couldn't be more disrespectful if he'd lowered his pants and flapped his ass cheeks at the camera.
So many layers of assholery evidence themselves in this video that the venerable TMZ broke it down into four delightful mini-cameos: Lovesick Bieber, Arrogant Bieber, Contentious Bieber and Disrespectful Bieber. If you can make it through more than two of them without losing your lunch then you have developed an amazing retching threshhold and I am going to have to ask you to join my team here on Whorrified. We need people like you.