Tuesday, 25 March 2014

NICK CANNON WEARS WHITEFACE, HONKIES GO BERSERK

Nick Cannon, whiteface, white people party music, mariah carey, whorrified,
HOW NICK CANNON TURNED HIMSELF INTO CONNOR SMALLNUT, 
a fairly convincing (and oddly disturbing) white teenager:
A) Unfettered access to Mariah's makeup trailer 

B) Cunning theft of Rupert Grint's wig 
C) Shopping spree at Value Village and  
D) Duct tape in all the right smallnuts places. 
Instagram


 
Because it has the IQ of a 13-year-old hillbilly, the Internet is having a goddam hissy fit over Nick Cannon's "racist" decision to promote his new album, White People Party Music, by wearing whiteface and taking on the persona of one Connor Smallnut. He posted the picture to Instagram with the album's release date and the caption: "It's official! I'm white! #GoodCredit #DogKissing #BeerPong #FarmersMarkets #FistPumping #CreamCheeseEating." (Admit it, Whitie McWhiterson: you've done ALL of those things at least once.) 

And because ignorant people excel at getting their smallnuts in a twist over the most trivial of slights while somehow not being very good at giving a shit about how it's okay to shoot black kids and humiliate black adults, they're practically having a stroke over this one. Commenters on Cannon's Instagram posts have accused him of being everything from "an ignorant racist" to "hypocritical." Nick has responded with such laidback rebukes as "People take themselves so seriously!" and "Just relax and have fun!" Which is excellent advice, alas, I know of only one white person capable of taking it, and it's this dude. Who, as it turns out, is actually Jamaican.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I wonder where he got the name 'Smallnut' from?
MY NOTE: Funny, I was just going to ask you if you were planning to sue him for impersonation.