Sunday, 16 March 2014

OH STFU, KIM KARDASHIAN, THAT IS NOT KYLIE'S BIKINI

Kim Kardashian bikini, Kim Kardashian dark hair, Instagram, Kanye, Kylie Jenner, Whorrified,
OH LOOK. KIM KARDASHIAN HAD HERSELF PROFESSIONALLY SQUEEZED 
into her little sister's bikini because she doesn't have enough bikinis of her own. 
Kim Kardashian/Instagram

Kim Kardashian, whom I haven't taken a swipe at in quite some time because I ran out of synonyms for 'silly twat,' is suddenly back on my radar with her latest contribution to the inexorable dumbing down of America: an Instagram photo of herself in a bikini, captioned "Yep stole Kylie's bikini...she's not getting it back."


KYLIE JENNER GOT TO WEAR 
her own bikini just long enough 
to post this pic to Instagram
before Kim stuffed her funbags into it.  

Kylie Jenner/Instagram


 
What I want to know is how the hell did this woman stuff her giant lactating udders and donkey butt into a reedy 16-year-old's bathing suit ? What the hell is that thing made of that it can be stretched like that without exploding? The only substance I can think of is Kris Jenner's vagina. Or Bruce Jenner's face. There's a distinct possibility both of those were harmed in the making of this selfie.

And if I may scratch yet another Kim Kardashian itch ... I'm getting the swine flu, I just know it ... it has come to my attention that she has changed her hair colour from blonde to dark brown. Not unlike a certain blogger who specifically stated that she did so because she was tired of being mistaken for Kim everywhere she went. Now I suppose I'll have to go purple or something, and then I'll get mistaken for Ireland Baldwin. #FamousPeopleProblems 

Click here to see the exact moment Kim decided she didn't want to be blonde anymore. Or if you'd rather look at pictures of Kim's butt in a tight dress (warning: may contain Kanye), click here. The choice is yours, as is the choice to not wear a seatbelt or to put strychnine in your coffee.