Thursday, 6 March 2014

PLEASE DON'T FEED THE PIGGLY: SHE'S ALREADY FULL

MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND HER ADORABLE BABY, PIGGLY WIGGLY, who has apparently just spied something edible off in the corner there ...

The more sober contingent of my loyal following, currently riding in the high ones and twos, will notice that my Piggly Wiggly has put on an astonishing amount of weight. Four pounds in seven weeks: every ounce of it in her cheeks. I swear the child is secretly stockpiling reserves of breast milk in there. (Which is actually very wise of her, as one never knows when this might happen in the land God forgot a.k.a. Canada.)

My wee Piggly was 5 pounds, 2 ounces at birth, as tiny and dainty and perfect as a porcelain doll. Her mother immediately went into full-blown tigress mode and began taking care of that baby within an inch of its life. Diaper changes, clothing changes, baths and burpings all occurred with military precision and mind-boggling frequency but that was nothing compared to the amount of times in a day Piggly enjoyed feedings. "Gorgings" might more accurately describe what is going on here; during my few days with the little family this week, I've noticed that conversations typically go like this:

Piggly's Dad: "Hon, the baby's cr..." 
Piggly's Mom: "She's hungry!" 

Piggly's Dad: "I think the baby's awa ..." 
Piggly's Mom: "Go get her! Quickly! She's hungry!" 

Me: "Where do you guys keep the coffee?"
Piggly's Mom: "Coughing? She's coughing? Omigod, she must be hungry! The baby's hungry! SOMEBODY GET THE BABY!"
  
The end result is the pudding-cheeked plumpkin you see here, and if the enthusiastic mothering doesn't slow down soon, I think we can fully expect Piggly to make 50 pounds by spring.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Heheheee...
MY NOTE: What are you tittering about, you corn-fed eejit, you?
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's just ... I can tell from that glass of wine in the background that you must have been there when this picture was taken.
MY NOTE: Really? Well I can tell from that glass of wine in the background that you are fired. Because I specifically asked you to crop that out. I'm a grandmother, for fuck's sake. I have a reputation to uphold!