|JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT |
looks exactly like someone who
had a baby five months ago.
If Hollywood had a brain,
this would make it explode.
Plus, hello, it wasn't MY idea to build an entire career on a pair of mammoth breasts attached to a reed-thin body. I believe that unique plan was Jennifer Love Hewitt's, so excuse me for being aghast that she has failed to starve and lipo herself back to her pre-pregnancy weight the way the normal celebrities do.
On the other hand, she might be an actual genius because she has just launched a line of maternity garb, cunningly assuring that she will continue to be able to dress comfortably while she enjoys her new baby and a diet of constant pastries.
Hewitt says that her daughter, Autumn, helped her to stop worrying about losing the pregnancy pounds. For which I congratulate her, truly I do, except that WHAT THE FUCK because I had three daughters and none of them helped me stop worrying about that.
I had the wrong kids, obviously. I suspected it all along.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Er, I've just received three tersely worded telegrams from your daughters, each saying exactly the same thing: "Dearest Mother: You're fired."
MY NOTE: Well tell them they can't fire me because I QUIT! They were making me fat.