Monday, 7 April 2014

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT DOESN'T GIVE A FAT RAT'S ASS

Jennifer Love Hewitt, pregnant celebrity, L maternity wear, whorrified,
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT 
looks exactly like someone who 
had a baby five months ago. 
If Hollywood had a brain, 
this would make it explode.


Good Christ! Who set Jennifer Love Hewitt's makeup gun to 'Carbs'? Yes, we're doing body shaming now (and by "now" I mean "still") because I'm having a bad hair day and I'm cranky. 

Plus, hello, it wasn't MY idea to build an entire career on a pair of mammoth breasts attached to a reed-thin body. I believe that unique plan was Jennifer Love Hewitt's, so excuse me for being aghast that she has failed to starve and lipo herself back to her pre-pregnancy weight the way the normal celebrities do.

On the other hand, she might be an actual genius because she has just launched a line of maternity garb, cunningly assuring that she will continue to be able to dress comfortably while she enjoys her new baby and a diet of constant pastries. 

Hewitt says that her daughter, Autumn, helped her to stop worrying about losing the pregnancy pounds. For which I congratulate her, truly I do, except that WHAT THE FUCK because I had three daughters and none of them helped me stop worrying about that. 
I had the wrong kids, obviously. I suspected it all along.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Er, I've just received three tersely worded telegrams from your daughters, each saying exactly the same thing: "Dearest Mother: You're fired."
MY NOTE: Well tell them they can't fire me because I QUIT! They were making me fat.