Friday, 11 April 2014

SWEET SIGNS OF SPRING AT THE WHORRIFIED HOUSEHOLD

FLOWERS!!! (BACKGROUND) 
Welcome! It's Friday night, and because today was the first day since oh, I don't know, last SEPTEMBER? that it was warm enough to take my longjohns off, I feel like celebrating. Plus some anonymous admirer sent me a bunch of adorable pixie lilies which I suppose I should be flattered by but quite frankly, I'm more of a potables kind of girl, so I bought myself a wee bottle of this and a wee bottle of that and have settled in for the night. I will eventually get around to writing something for you but frankly, my moron editor is making so goddam much noise sighing right now that I can hardly hear myself think. So bear with me. This might take awheel. Er, awile. Awhle. Wait, I've got this. A-W-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P ... Pee ... PEE! Ha! My moron editor reeks of pee!

EDITOR'S NOTE: *sighs* Well I'm obviously going to have to step in here because, well, to put it bluntly, the bloggerella is in no condition to be writing anything other than martini recipes right now. Friday nights are usually rather jolly on account of she might tack an extra buck or two onto my paycheque so I can afford bus fare outta here, but not tonight. Ho-ho-ho-o-o-o, not tonight! Tonight she's ... how do I put this delicately? She's drunk. Blotto. Absolutely shithammered.
MY NOTE: *bolts upright, sloshes Henckell Trocken hither and yon* I'm not durnk, I'm on my period!!!
EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh come now, you're a little too old for ...
MY NOTE: *THWACK!!!* I am too old for nothing, you pathetic cringing moron man-baby, you! NOTHING! *leans back, resumes singing Sometimes When We Touch*
EDITOR'S NOTE: *sighs* I wish I didn't love her.