Wednesday, 9 April 2014

KATE ASCENDS TO NEW HEIGHTS OF ROYAL GREATNESS

THE DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE 
WARMLY GREETS A HALF-NAKED MAORI 
Although to be fair she can't see what we're seeing,
which I'm almost certain is Mike Tyson's face. 

I don't usually pay much attention to the royals (unless they're Harry because he and I are really on the same page with the drunken debauchery thing) as I generally find inbred people fairly boring, but there's just something about Kate that's kind of lovable. Approachable. One might even say of the common people.

Take her current trip to New Zealand, for example. We're barely one day in and already we've been treated to ample knickers flashes, a closeup of a native's unfettered butt cheeks (which I'm pretty sure is against the "Greeting a Member of the Royal Family" rules) and just a general all-round flouting of the royal elders' policy of maintaining an icy, fishlike demeanor at all times.

Just imagine the horseface Princess Anne would pull if this tatted-up Maori arse presented itself to her, for example, and yet here is Kate grinning as breezily as if she's looking at a cuddly little koala. 

It's this kind of thing that's going to save the monarchy from going completely tits up, people. Mark my words.

kate middleton, new zealand,
KATE OBLIGINGLY PROVIDES THE WAITING THRONGS with a near-glimpse of her knickers (if she's even wearing any). Oh you're gonna blame me for showing you this? It's called journalism! Geez! Just trynna do my JOB here.