Rumours are swirling that everybody's favourite royal (although have we ever really established that Harry is Chahles' son because by God, I don't believe that for a second) is getting ready to propose to girlfriend Cressida Bonas, a 25-year-old "dancer."
But I for one am officially calling BOLLOCKS because I think like a man. And I can assure you that this is what this particular man is thinking: "Freedom vs. Marital Lockdown. Endless Dollybirds vs. Same Dollybird, Day In and Day Out. Free Willy vs. 'I Can't, My Wife Won't Let Me.' Hm, let me put my ginger cap on and think about this for a moment ..."
This, my dears, is what we boys call a no-brainer. And if you still don't believe me, please click here and then tell me you think Harry's ready for the shackled pleasures marriage has to offer.
QUEEN ELIZABETH'S NOTE: Now see here, you whorrific trollop, we've held a wedding summit. We've discussed dates. We've handled it.
MY NOTE: Have you then? Lovely. Because I remember how well it ended the last time you "handled it" (may she rest in peace).