Friday, 11 April 2014

TORI SPELLING'S NEW REALITY SHOW IS PURE SHITE

Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott, True Tori, whorrified, Aaron Spelling, Beverlly Hills 90210,
TORI SPELLING STOLE A WOMAN'S 
CHEATING LOSER HUSBAND 
and now we're supposed to feel bad for her 
because she's got a cheating loser husband.
(Premise of True Tori, in a nutshell.)
Wikipedia

 
Just when you think Tori Spelling has reached the nadir of the hot mess that is her life, she spirals to shameless new lows in the form of a "reality" show you're going to wish you'd never heard of. Because not only is it about as "real" as her repeatedly rejigged nose, but holy FUCK is it depressing. 

What we have here is the excommunicated daughter of gazillionaire Aaron Spelling, forced to grovel for ratings by admitting to the three people who might actually watch this crap that her husband, Dean McDermott, is exactly the kind of turd you'd expect a man who'd leave his pregnant wife for Tori Spelling would be. (Think of it as poetic justice. Minus the poetry.)

In this teaser episode of True Tori, below, Tori employs the acting chops she honed on Beverly Hills 90210 by bawling that Dean cheats on her because she "can never give him enough sex." And I'd love to delve deeper into the mystery of why Dean McDermott is a gold-digging man-whore, but I'm far too busy with more important tasks, such as supervising my moron editor's latrine duty. You'll carry on without me, won't you? Whew. Thanks. "HEY! MORON!" *delivers near-perfect bitchslap with toilet brush* "You missed a spot!"