Thursday, 3 April 2014

VLADIMIR PUTIN, UNLIKE CRIMEA, IS OFFICIALLY FREE

vladimir putin, divorce, whorrified,
VLAD'S DIVORCE IS NOW FINAL, LADIES  
Please try to control yourselves.

And from our "Divorces That Should Have Happened a Long Time Ago" files, we have the shocking news that Vladimir Putin and Lyudmila, his wife of 30 years, are officially over, because what part of living with a vindictive, sadistic, bloodthirsty, smugly superior chauvinistic pig just wasn't good enough for her? Some women are so goddam hard to please. On the bright side, Vlad is now available so I think Kris Jenner's lonely nights of partying in nightclubs with her children might finally be over. You can't tell me God doesn't have a plan.

EDITOR'S NOTE: You forgot to mention that we also have the details of Chris Martin's and Gwyneth's split as published in US Weekly. Apparently they argued over her strict parenting rules and the fact that her favourite food is sawdust.
MY NOTE: I didn't forget, I'm just not quite ready to die of boredom yet. I still have so much to give. Such as this Coco post, above. Jesus Christ, what IS that woman's butt made of?
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ham.