Sunday, 11 May 2014

A MOTHER'S DAY MESSAGE FROM THE BEST MOM EVER

'HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, GLAMMA!' 
What Piggly Wiggly will say the second she learns how to talk. Although I suppose she might say 'Happy Mother's Day MOM.' I should prepare myself for that unlikely eventuality.

Good morning, lovelies! Just a short note to wish the mothers of the world ... especially my own mom, my daughters, my relatives and my dear friends ...  the happiest of Mother's Days, because you deserve it. There's nothing harder, more heartbreaking, more rewarding or more sacred than raising a child. Nothing that's more of a lightning rod for society's criticism and judgment, nothing that makes you doubt yourself more and yet nothing that can compare to the love it brings. And there's certainly nothing that makes your boobs bigger (so all you ladies out there doing the "we must, we must" exercise? You're wasting your time). 

I was thrice blessed with the opportunity to increase my bosom size, although it looks like at least two of those opportunities didn't take because by rights I ought to have Kim Kardashian's chest by now. Oh well, at least I scored a far better mother. Anyway, this is already starting to cut into my Mother's Day boozing time, so I'm going to end it with this: Mothers, thank you for everything you do. Thank you for every kiss, every prayer, every meal, every scold. Enjoy every precious second of your well-deserved day. Don't cook, don't clean and don't lift anything heavier than a bottle of shiraz. Over and over and over again. (Well what did you think R.S.I. stood for?)