Monday, 26 May 2014

GOOD NEWS, GUYS: SOFIA VERGARA'S BOOBS ARE SINGLE

Sofia Vergara, Nick Loeb, Hamptons, Rachel Heller, Marie Sutherland,
NICK LOEB BROKE UP WITH HIS FIANCEE, 
Modern Bosoms actress Sofia Vergara, 
because he's insane. 
Dreamstime photo



The Internet seems shocked that millionaire Nick Loeb got tired of having to ogle Sofia Vergara's breasts day in and day out and finally decided the only way out of that jiggling hell was to dump her. But upon closer scrutiny, the clues are everywhere. 

Take Loeb's behaviour fresh off his emancipation: he spent a low-key weekend at a party in the Hamptons with a male friend, where he brushed off several female hopefuls with the words: “I don’t need to see hot girls, I’ve got my friend here.” Page Six also notes "the 38-year-old was seen chatting with attractive women, including Rachel Heller . . . and gave one girl his jacket since it was chilly, but him and his friend left alone.” 

Uh-huh. The man breaks up with this, spurns the chance to immediately merge with the next available vagina, spends the weekend with his "friend" — the only thing that would make this more obvious would be if the evening ended with Zac Efron riding in on a dildo while the theme song from The Crying Game played in the background. Which a source tells me actually did happen, and I quote:

"What the ... ZAC! Am I dreaming right now?"
"No, Nick, it's all real. Hop on!"
"Oh thank God." *straddles dildo* "Get me out of here, there are too many bosoms here."
"Flashbacks? You poor dear ..."

*Sobs* "I know. It was horrible. Horrible!"