Tannis Toohey @tannis2e/instagram @getWhorrified/Instagram
There are two kinds of people in the world: sensible people, and me. People who wear Crocs, and me. People who still have an Achilles tendon, and me.
Because I found these adorable, palest pink dominatrix-gladiator stilettos (above) on sale the other day and although the last thing I need is another pair of whorrifically inappropriate shoes, I bought them.
I keep waiting for the day when my inner normal person wakes up and decides it's time for flats, but just when I thought I was maybe almost there, a friend posted this underwater foot selfie on Facebook (hashtag #vacation #wetfeet etc etc) and the virulence of my reaction confirmed to me and the Facebook world that I am
My friend, perhaps sensing that I might be logged on to Facebook because after all, it was during working hours, pre-emptively urged people not to "mock the Crocs" and explained that she had never known such comfort. And for the merest fraction of a second, that sounded tempting. But then I realized, CROCS??? I'D RATHER LIMP ACROSS A FIELD OF BROKEN GLASS IN MY BARE FEET THAN WEAR CROCS! Which coincidentally is exactly what wearing these palest pink fuckers feels like ...
EDITOR'S NOTE: You call yourself a friend? She asks you not to mock her Crocs and you write an entire post mocking her Crocs!
MY NOTE: She'll forgive me. It is simply not possible to stay angry at someone wearing cute shoes.
RELATED: And speaking of friends, don't think I've forgotten that time you tried to steal my red-hot hooker shoes.