Remember just five days ago when drunk Solange violently assaulted Jay Z in an elevator while Beyonce looked calmly on as if she were loaded to the eyeballs on Ambien? Yeah, so do I.
Remember just three days ago when Jay and Beyonce issued a "statement" explaining nothing other than that we are just paying peons who have no business wondering if their meticulously scripted "perfect marriage" is a sham because they have "each accepted responsibility" for their role in the shit-kicking video and "moved on"?
Yeah, so do I.
Which is why it is so delicious to learn that what they have "moved on" to is an absurdly orchestrated Phase 3 of this ridiculous charade: Solange, Jay Z, Beyonce, their respective children and even Tina friggin Knowles having lunch together in New Orleans. And then tweeting the bejeebers out of the whole thing so that there can be no mistake they're just one big happy family.
Good Christ, what a pile of horse puckey. The only picture I want to see out of this loving luncheon is of Solange leaping across the table in a completely unprovoked rage and biting Jay Z in the testicles. So unless that happened, Beyonce, don't bother tweeting it.
MY NOTE: Did I mention that I'm sleep and alcohol deprived? I am sleep and alcohol deprived. You probably guessed ...