KATY PERRY'S BOOBS AND LOTTO MAX PROVE GOD IS REAL

KATY PERRY'S SPECTACULAR HOOTERS
are some of God's finest work. But that $50 million 
Lotto Max win? A very close second.
 GQ, February 2014 edition

In case some of you out there still don't believe in Jesus, I hope you realize that not only are the Illuminati going to make Solange appear out of nowhere to kick the fear of God into you, but also you are never going to win the lottery. Because apparently that was the secret ingredient in a Toronto woman's amazing $50 million Lotto Max win, which she credits entirely to Our Lord and Saviour. (And no I am not MOCKING him, you guys; I WORK for him or have you forgotten that already?) 

Sophie Rizavas, a grandmother who worked four jobs as a cleaning lady, decided that since cleanliness is next to godliness and she was therefore quadrupling her proximity to Him, maybe he would hear her plaintive cry for cash. “I said, please Jesus, send me some money,” Rizavas recalled. “I don’t need too much.” And the very next day, boom, she wins $50 million cool ones. 
This, coming so soon after the news that as a flat-chested teenager, Katy Perry merely prayed for balloon hooters and poof, there they were, is indisputable proof that God is real.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Well then you'd better fall on your knees and beg for forgiveness because you've taken about 30 swipes at Him in this post alone. A lightning bolt could strike you at any time!
MY NOTE: Oh pish tosh, what utter nonsense!*grabs editor, used him as a human shield* Take him, not me, your majesty! Take him!