Friday, 2 May 2014


lorde, royals, lorde photoshop, MAC makeup, whorrified
REMEMBER THAT TIME LORDE TWEETED TWO PICS, one retouched without her permission and one naturally pimpled, to tell girls that "flaws are okay"? MAC makeup would like you to forget that time Lorde tweeted two pics, one retouched without her permission and one naturally pimpled, to tell girls that "flaws are okay". 

Unlike North American girls, who celebrate puberty by getting a pair of fake tits implanted in their chest, Kiwi girls apparently don’t give two hoots about their looks and value such things as self-esteem and talent instead. At least that’s how I’m reading 17-year-old Lorde’s strident objection to being photoshopped for magazine shoots and calling BS whenever someone tries to airbrush her zits off for publicity shots. 

You’ve got to admire that sort of pluck, although I suppose I’d admire it more if she hadn’t suddenly and bizarrely decided to start her own line of MAC makeup whose key selling point seems to be its ability to make plain people look spectacular. 

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, in fact I not only wonder how much it costs because you’re goddam right I'm gonna buy me some of that but I also wonder what is wrong with people who COMPLAIN that someone made them look better than they actually do. In my day that was called plastic surgery and it cost a fortune and we’d have to walk 10 miles in a pair of hand-me-down North Stars to get to the clinic. So fuck off, you average-looking little divas. Be thankful Glamour doesn’t put your pimplepuss on full display for the world to laugh at the way they used to do in our high school photos. *sobs* No wonder Mom never wanted to buy them. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: *bursts into the room in a panic* There's a hideous creature out here, part woman, part horse, part gargoyle, shrieking that "naturally ugly is beautiful" and dripping green ooze all over the floor!
MY NOTE: Goddamit. She was supposed to be on tour in Fort Lauderdale tonight ...