Friday, 16 May 2014

RIHANNA DUMPED DRAKE BECAUSE HE ISN'T CHRIS BROWN


drake, rihanna, badgalriri, celebrity couples, whorrified,
ONE OF RIHANNA'S MANY 'ME AND A WILD ANIMAL' underwear Instagrams. And if I were Drake, I would take this sort of thing as a clue. 
@badgalriri/Instagram

By now you've all heard that Rihanna dumped Drake again which didn't surprise me because I totally called it (sometimes my magic powers actually frighten me). What did surprise me was her "reason": because he's too in love with her. What the hell does that even mean and why is it a problem? Unless of course you’re used to being with men who try to punch your teeth out. In that case, yes, I guess being with someone who’s too in love with you would be annoying. I'm going to give our poor nice Canadian boy Solange's number so she can teach him how to behave in a fashion to which Rihanna is accustomed or this relationship is never going to work.  

Oh, and also it's Friday, which as you know by now is a very special day for me so please enjoy that date you're going on and don't worry for one second that it'll end up in the  same kind of abject misery that Drake's did. Why would it? That's just your pessimism talking.