Monday, 5 May 2014


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to Instagram because it was easier than gasping "You've come a long way, baby."
Instagram+Khloe Kardashian 

A few months ago, I introduced to you what I thought was an amusing yet clearly mentally defective freak. Hungarian model Valeria Lukyanova, aka Human Barbie, has made a career of starving, spackling and surgically altering herself into a living likeness of a plastic doll. Which is basically what every woman in Hollywood does, but Valeria takes her mad antics to a whole new level, culminating with this one because as we all know, food is optional to human survival. 

Alas, it now appears my brilliant satire not only failed but has in fact backfired to the point that women everywhere are aping Human Barbie's ghoulish efforts. How else to explain the fact that everyone from Kathy Griffin to Khloe Kardashian is proudly posting Instagrams of their alarming new silhouettes, the likes of which could only have been attained via starvation, corsets and possible bone removal? 

What's that? Comediennes and Kardashian trash don't count? Whew. For a moment there, I thought all those Birkenstock-clad harpies who warned us that Barbies are bad for our self-esteem were right. *resumes twirling in front of mirror in high heels and Spanx*

EDITOR'S NOTE:  I can't speak for Kathy Griffin, below,  (although I'm guessing we're looking at anorexia), but Khloe swears by a controversial technique called "corset training." Meaning she repeatedly squeezes herself into a contraption that's three inches smaller than she is so that she will eventually become slimmer. It totally displaces your internal organs but other than that, it's perfectly safe!
MY NOTE: Yes, well shut the fuck up about that or Bruce Jenner is going to want one.

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NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S SELF-MAIMING EFFORTS, Kathy Griffin posted this pic of herself to Instagram because who needs ribs? God gave us way too many of the damn things ...