Monday, 9 June 2014

MICK JAGGER WON'T LET 'DEVASTATION' RUIN HIS SEX LIFE

mick jagger, l'wren scott, mystery brunette, stones concert,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF PILLS 
THESE DUDES ARE TAKING  
but somehow the Stones' Mick Jagger 
reportedly had a fling with a groupie 
at his Swiss penthouse last week. 
(And please, God, tell me that's 
a microphone sticking out of his pants?) 
Blues 1911/Wikipedia

Today in 'Things That Can Never Be Unseen,' we have some young slut nuzzling the back of a cadaver's head. Oh. Hang on a sec ... my editor is doing his job for once and tells me that is in fact not a cadaver but 70-year-old Mick Jagger after a night of geriatric sex with a groupie. (Me: I stand by my earlier assumption.) 

Britain's The Sun newspaper, to whom I really must send my resume because clearly their definition of "journalism" was cribbed directly from my soul, has this fantastic picture of ol' Mick looking like he might die right there on the balcony of a Zurich hotel. As for the skank, the Sun reports he met the “sexy brunette in a nightclub” and the couple “enjoyed two days at his hotel penthouse” before the Stones' concert in Zurich. 

Ignoring for a moment the fact that Mick is frickin SEVENTY YEARS OLD, wasn't it just 11 weeks ago that we were reading how he was "devastated" by the shocking suicide of his longtime girlfriend L'Wren Scott? (L'Wren's sister, upon seeing this image in The Sun yesterday, hissed: "And people wonder why she was depressed.")
Even for a coal-hearted witch like me, this is unseemly. For shame, you old lizard. For shame.

EDITOR'S NOTE: But what about that time you threw a wild party with male strippers and an Ecstasy pinata at my apartment while I was in the hospital having back surgery?
MY NOTE: That's different. I despise you.